I wake up to the railway signal chiming just
outside my window. My back hurts from
something I don’t remember so I roll out of
bed and onto the floor. Underneath my bed
are socks I haven’t seen since last year and
old worksheets from college. I watch the
passing train with my nose pressed against
the window. The sinking sun paints the sky
orange and I wonder where the blue went.
My coworkers always wonder why my eyes
are gray and my boss asks where last week’s
finance report is. My mother wonders when
I’ll get a girlfriend and my roommate asks
to borrow my cologne. I tell them something
they want to hear and they say ‘Oh, I get it’,
but they only hear me when I lie. I tell my
doctor I can’t breathe, he says it’s the
cigarettes. My psychiatrist tells me it’s
anxiety, my mom tells me it’s work stress,
but the water is inviting and tells me to stay.
So I stay.